[Meet the Demoman Title Card]

[Opening fanfare of Drunken Pipe Bomb plays as the Demoman narrowly escapes a massive explosion while jumping from a drop-down corridor in Gravel Pit.]

[Freeze frame]

Demoman: “What makes me a good Demoman?”

[Cut to Demoman, sitting in a room full of explosives.]

Demoman: “If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn’t be sittin’ here, discussin’ it with you now would I?”

[“Drunken Pipe Bomb” resumes playing]

[Demoman charges into battle along with Team RED while dodging a cascade of rockets.]

Demoman: “Let’s do it!”

Demoman: “Not one of ya’s gonna’ survive this.”

[Cut back to the Demoman’s room, music pauses.]

Demoman: “One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch… and kablooie!”

[Cut back to battle, music resumes.]

[The Demoman bounces a grenade off a wall and gibs a pursuing Pyro.]

[Cut to scene of the Demoman chugging from his Bottle of scrumpy.]

[A level 2 Sentry Gun upgrades to level 3.]

[Cut to scene of the Demoman continuing to chug from his Bottle of scrumpy.]

[Sentry Gun fires rockets at the Demoman.]

[Cut to a close up of the Demoman’s face, still chugging from his Bottle of scrumpy.]

[The Demoman dodges the rockets as a nearby Scout is gunned down by the Sentry. The Demoman then fires two grenades, destroying the Sentry Gun.]

[Cut back to Demoman’s room, music stops.]

[The Demoman slams the now empty Bottle down on the table, breathing heavily.]

[Camera blurs.]

Demoman: “I got a manky eye. I’m a black, Scottish cyclops.”

[The Demoman knocks a grenade off the table, arming it in the process (it begins to blink).]

Demoman: They’ve got more f-[long censored]-s than they’ve got the likes of me.”

[The Demoman starts to drink from the empty Bottle, then notices the camera and becomes lucid again.]

Demoman: “So….”

[The ending segment of “Drunken Pipe Bomb” starts to play.]

Demoman: “…T’all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure.”

[The Demoman runs out to the final capture point in Gravelpit and is shocked to see a group of BLU team members charging towards him with smug expressions on their faces. A devious look comes over the Demoman’s face and he runs with BLU in hot pursuit.]

Demoman: “Prancin’ aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! [The Demoman covers a door frame in sticky bombs] I’ll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the ‘ol brimstone. I’m a grim bloody fable… with an unhappy bloody end!”

[The Heavy notices the sticky bombs around the door frame, and his expression changes from smugness to one of shock. The Demoman throws a mock salute and activates the sticky bombs, gibbing all his pursuers.]

[The Demoman walks up to (presumably) a decapitated head, laughing merrily as body parts and blood rain down around him.]

Demoman: “Oh, they’re going to have to glue you back together… in hell!”

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays, accompanied by bagpipes.]

Categories: Uncategorized

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *